Pinocchiviv- Pinocchio, FF9 Style
by ChibiQueen
Summary: I'm surprised that I havn't seen this done before. Inspired while in the car on the way to the mall with a friend, this story is rather silly, but not entirely stupid, I'd like to think. Oh, and it's kinda SI...in that I play the "director" of the fic. Oh
1. The birth of Vivi...

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FONT FACE="Times New Roman"PDisclaimer: I don't own any of these characters, with the possible exception of Vivi since I DO own so much useless Vivi stuff. But I guess they all really belong to Square. Until I raid the studios and take it over, that is. ^_^/P

PAuthor's Note: This was conceived while I was in the car on the way to the mall with my friend. I don't know why I actually wrote it out except for my usual excuse: I'm bored, and I can. This is semi SI in that I play the "director" of the fic. And yes, my real name is Laura./P

PA note on the Japanese suffixes used in this story: I used them because I think they're cute, but I figured that I may as well explain them to anyone who doesn't know what they mean. So here goes: B-chan/B means roughly dear little ____. Used for small children or between close friends./P

P B-kun/B is a friendly term used for males, especially from an older boy to a younger boy./P

P B-san /Bis an honorific term translated as or /P

BP -sama/B is a very honorific term. I've heard it translated as or ./P

PCast: Pinnochio- Vivi Orunitier/P

P Geppetto- Kuja (any last name here???)/P

P Jiminy Cricket- Zidane Tribale /P

P Blue Fairy- Freya Crescent/P

P Smarmy Guys who pick him off the street- Blank and Marcus/P

P Stromboli (Evil Puppeter Guy)- Baku/P

P Coachman (Evil Child Stealing Guy): The Flaming Amarant Coral/P

P Lampwick (Weird Urchin Friend)- Eiko Carol/P

P Monstro the Whale- Quina Qu'en/P

P /P

B

PChapter One.../P

/B

P*the scene is a small workshop in Lindblum, cluttered with all sorts of tools, yards of cloth, bags of stuffing and little containers full of buttons, eyes, thread, needles.... Kuja is in position as Geppetto, but still insists on his usual fruity attire.*/P

PLaura: IOnce upon a time there was a lonely puppet maker named Kuja. He was a widower, and lived with nobody except his moogle, Biggs, and his oglop, Wedge. He was so lonely, in fact, that he decided to make himself a puppet to keep him company/I. /P

PKuja *looking up grumpily from sewing peices of cloth together into a vaguely humanoid shape*: Stop making me sound so pathetic! I could get a date if I wanted! /P

PLaura:...Sure you could. So, anywayI...Kuja began to sew himself a little son for companionship, as he had never had children/I./P

PKuja (in bad Italian accent): *stitch stitch stitch* Ah! Perfetto! My little son is born! I name him...Vivi! *holds up the limp puppet and swings him around the room, pulling at his arms to make him dance. After a minute, Kuja becomes very sad*/P

PKuja: But he is still not real...I want to have a real son...*yawns* Well, it's so late. I'm going to bed now...good-night, my little Vivi!/P

P*he goes to bed, wishing good-night to both Biggs and Wedge*/P

PLaura: IThat night, Kuja stared out his window at the stars, thinking of his puppet son. He stared at the north star, wishing more than anything else in the world for it to become alive, so that he could actually have a real son.../P

/I

PKuja: Starlight, Starbright, first star that I see tonight...hey! That's Terra!/P

PLaura: Please, Kuja.../P

PKuja: *grumbles* I wish I may, I wish I might, have the wish I wish tonight...I wish that Vivi was a real boy instead of a puppet!/P

PLaura: IMeanwhile, out in the workshop, a little cricket had been watching Kuja dance with his puppet. The little cricket found this extremely amusing./P

/I

P*a tiny Zidane, dressed all in green with a top hat and jacket, is rolling around on the floor, laughing hysterically* /P

PZidane: I can't believe we're RELATED! BWAHAHAH!/P

PLaura: *squashies him with her sneakers to keep him quiet* IAt that moment, a kind fairy had also been watching, had heard his wish and felt sorry for the poor man. She floated softly into the workshop to look at the pathetic looking doll./P

/I

P*Freya, dressed in a skanky tight blue dress with cheesy strap-on wings and a headband with bent antennae, lands on the scrap and thread covered floor. Her tail is decorated with a huge fluffy blue bow and her hair is held back by a shiny sky blue ribbon. Royal blue high heels are somehow shoved on her rat feet. She doesn't look happy.*/P

PZidane: *hiding in the corner, staring at the rat maiden* Daaaamn! Freya's hot!/P

PFreya: *stamps around in her high heels, trying not to fall. She falls.* OWWWW! DAMMIT! Laura, why do -I- have to be the damn fairy?! Why isn't Eiko the damn fairy! /P

PLaura: Eiko didn't want to be! She wanted to be Vivi's friend, okay? And besides...*laughs through her nose* You look so.... /P

PFreya:...*grumbles as she limps over to the puppet on the table. She takes out her Holy Lance, with a golden paper star crudely taped on, and whacks the puppet over the head with it* /P

PFreya: Come alive, ya hear? /P

PLaura: IWhen the Blue Fary touched Vivi with her wand, he began to glow, and his eyes begin to softly shine. Vivi was alive! /P

/I

PZidane: *hops out from the corner onto Freya's shoulder* /P

PZidane: Hey, fairy, that was a pretty neat trick there...*wiggles eyebrows* Got any more tricks?/P

PFreya: Zidane, I'm not going to go out with you just---/P

PVivi (very tired and confused sounding...he has been plucked straight from the game into this stupid story): Wh-where am I?/P

P*Zidane and Freya both spin around to look at him. Freya smiles kindly*/P

PFreya: It's okay, Vivi! You were a puppet, but I brought you to life for your father!/P

PVivi: *blinks and tilts his head* Freya-san? What are you talking about? Why are you dressed like that? And Zidane, why are you so small and green? /P

P*both the rat and the thief stare at each other*/P

PZidane: You mean.../P

PFreya: Laura didn't.../P

PLaura: I didn't tell him. It's more fun this way. *wolfish grin*/P

PVivi: Who didn't tell me what?/P

PAll: Nothing. /P

PVivi: Ooookaaaay...so where am I and why are you all weird? Freya-san, are th-those high heels?/P

PFreya: NO! /P

PVivi: Okay, is that a dress, then? /P

PFreya: Grrrrr..../P

PZidane: I think we should say good-night to Freya for now, Vivi-kun. She's having a Bad Day./P

PFreya: Well, if YOU had to wear a---/P

PVivi and Zidane: Good-night, Freya!/P

PLaura: IAnd the Blue Fairy, feeling that she was no longer needed, jumped out of the window into the dark night. /P

/I

PVivi: What's going on? Why was Freya-san a fairy!? Why's Zidane look like a bug? /P

P*Zidane hops around the room* /P

PZidane: It's a game, Vivi-kun! Just play along. You're a puppet brought to life!/P

PVivi:...th-that's a little close to home, Zidane. /P

PZidane: *shrug* I'm your conscience, since you don't have one yet. You have to become a real boy for your father, who made you./P

PVivi: Who's my father?/P

PZidane: Uhm...*gets nervous* It's..uh...really late, Vivi-kun. You need to sleep now!/P

PVivi: But I'm not---/P

PZidane: Yes you are! You're exhausted! It's late! Go to sleep!/P

PVivi: O-okay, Zidane...*casts on himself and falls fast asleep*/P/FONT/BODY

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	2. He must become a Real Little Boy!

****

Chapter Two...

Laura: _The next morning, Kuja woke up feeling very sad. He remembered last night's dancing and play, but was terribly disappointed that his boy wasn't really alive. He got up and dressed, and walked out into the workshop to be very surprised! His creation, Vivi, had moved, and was sleeping on the floor! He was breathing_!

Kuja: Oh! I'm moved to tears! *he begins crying dramatically* My creation has come to life! My wish has come true! (Geez, who wrote this!?)

*he runs over to Vivi and scoops him up, hugging him tightly and squealing like a girl*

*Vivi wakes up and sleepily opens his eyes*

Vivi: Huh...? *his eyes shoot open when he realizes that Kuja is hugging him* AHHHHHHHH!

*he manages to wiggle out of Kuja's grasp, kicking and screaming*

Vivi: AHHHHHHH! Zidane! Where are you Zidane!? I-i-it's KUJA! 

Zidane: *waking up* I know...*yawn* He's your father.

Vivi: B-b-but...*shuffles feet* Well, yeah...I suppose I already knew that...But he's trying to kill me! He was trying to choke me!

Kuja: *sniffling and hurt* I was just trying to show my paternal affection... 

Vivi: I h-have a hard time believing that, K-kuja!

Kuja: Okay, just because I called you a mindless puppet and a stupid doll and all that stuff, you're still mad at me? Let's put the past behind us, son! Can I call you Junior?

Vivi: NO! I'm V-vivi Orunitier, and that's what you'll c-call me! 

Zidane: Ouch. Bet that hurts.

Kuja: My own son hates me! What will I do!? 

Zidane: You should send him to Catholic School. That'll straighten any kid out.

Kuja: But we're not Catholic. We worship...uh...hmm...*looks to the narrarator* Laura, who DO we worship?

Laura: *is flipping through the guidebook to answer the question. Finding no answer, she looks up at Kuja sweetly* 

Laura: We all worship you, Kuja-sama!

Kuja: Well, I mean...besides me! Don't we have some sort of deity?

Laura: *looks around her bedroom posters for a quick name to keep Kuja quiet* 

Laura: You worship...uh...Xellos-sama!

Zidane: Wait, isn't he that demon from...

Laura and Vivi: SHHHHH!

Kuja (contented): Oh yeah! Now I remember. 

All: *sweatdrop*

Kuja: Okay, so I'll send you to Xellosism school. 

Vivi (trying to be brave): I'm not doing a-anything you tell me to!

Kuja: Ai-yi-yai...*is at a loss* Please, Vivi-chan---

Vivi: VIVI ORUNITIER! 

Kuja: Fine, fine...but please, my son, please won't you go to school!?

Vivi: *faces away from Kuja and crosses his arms obnoxiously*

Zidane: *hops gracefully and lightly onto Vivi's shoulder* You know, Vivi-kun, school might be a good idea. *gets an evil grin* There are usually lots of cute girls in uniforms---

Vivi: *stares blankly at Zidane* You know, Z-zidane, I'll go to school if YOU want me to, but you d-don't have to bribe me with girls. I'm only nine, you know. Girls have cooties. 

Kuja: Yes, they do! Ooops! I didn't say that aloud! *covers mouth primly and looks away*

Vivi and Zidane: *edge away from Kuja*

Vivi: Okay, Kuja, I'll go to school, but only because Zidane wants me to! 

Zidane: *hops around* Oh-ho-ho-boy! Girls, here I come!

Kuja: *steps on Zidane with one delicate dainty little high-heeled boot* Oh, thank you, Vivi. But are you sure you want that mini bag of hormones trailing you?

Vivi: Zidane's my friend! S-so get your foot off him! 

*Kuja disdainfully lifts his prissy little boot off of tinsy Zidane and Vivi scoops him up to put him on the brim of his hat, and they walk off together. Kuja watches them walk off and wipes away a little silver tear*

Kuja: My little boy...his first day of school! *sniff*

*****

Laura: _So Vivi and Zidane set off down the road to school. Vivi skipped along happily chatting with Zidane tucked safely into the brim of his hat. Meanwhile, in an alley ahead of them, two men are watching the animated puppet and whispering._

Blank: Woah! Look at that! A real Black Mage doll!

Marcus: Walking all by itself, too! Isn't that amazing?

Blank: I bet we could sell it to Baku...he'd be able to use it, right?

Marcus: Suuuuure. The little squirt can probably act...and look, he's so cute!

Blank: Awww, he is. Let's get him!

Laura: _Suddenly, Vivi tripped on a sword that had been stretched across the sidewalk._

Vivi: OOOF! *slowly gets up, adjusting his hat. He sees patched legs, patched body and a heavily patched face with a belt securing lots of spikey red hair*

Vivi: Oh, Hi Blank! *waves, and then sees as a short, sharp featured man steps out from behind Blank* Hey, M-marcus too? Cool!

Blank: *puts on a smarmy, oily smile* Well hello, little boy! Want to have some fun?

Zidane: *laughs through his nose* That sounds so wrong, Blank!

Blank: *flusters and re-reads his lines* Hey, this isn't what I rehearsed!

Laura: *smiling innocently* I changed the script a little...

Marcus: Ewwww! Blank, why didn't you tell me you're a pedophile?! I shared a BED with you!

Blank: *crying* I swear, I'm not like that! It's in the script! Laura made me say it!

Laura: *laughing hysterically*

All: *sweatdrop*

Marcus: *stares at the girl who is now red with laughter* Okay, I believe you. 

Vivi: *extremely frustrated* WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON?!!?! What's up with everybody!? Freya-san was dressed as fairy, Zidane's all green and small, Kuja was hugging me for Heaven's sake, and you two were acting all slimy and weird! 

*****

Blank: O.O

Marcus: O.O

Zidane: O.O Wow Vivi-kun! You said all that without stuttering once!

Vivi: *stares* Y-you're right. I did. But you're a-aren't answering me! 

Laura: *sighs* I guess we can't keep him in the dark for too long. *laughs again*

Blank: Why is she laughing now?

Laura: I made a joke! -Vivi in the dark-...get it? You know, Vivi's face is always dark..get it?

Marcus: Now that is just scary.

Vivi: So Laura's controlling this whole thing?

Laura: You betcha, Vivi-chan!

Vivi: Okay, I'm starting to get the p-picture...people out of character, people in costume...people pulling out scripts...geez, Laura, I-I'm not stupid, I can figure out I'm in a play. 

Laura: Aha! But do you know WHICH play?!

Vivi: ...How would I know? I'm from a video g-game world. 

Laura: I give up. *hands Vivi a script* You can read from this from now on. 

*Vivi pages through the script casually* 

Vivi: WOAH! Y-y-y-yaoi lemon!

Blank, Marcus and Zidane: WHAT?!

Vivi: Geez, I was just j-joking...

Marcus: You had me scared for a minute there Vivi.

Blank: He's still scaring me. He's only nine and he's telling jokes like that...where does he pick up this trashy lemon stuff?

Zidane and Laura: *whistle whistle whistle*

Vivi: Sorry...okay, I can d-deal with this play...so I try to go to school but Blank and Marcus try to kidnap m-me?

Laura: Yes, let's start from that point, all right everyone?

All: Right!

****

Blank: *reading* Well hello, little boy! Want to have some fun? 

Zidane: I still think that sounds nasty...

Vivi: *ignoring Zidane* What sort of fun?

Zidane: *unsuccesfully trying not to laugh*

All: Shut up, Zidane!

Laura: Look, Monkey-boy, if you don't cooperate and stop making fun of my script, you'll end up dipped in chocolate and sent to Africa! Crickets are a delicacy there, you know!

Zidane: ULP!

Laura: All right then, go on.

Marcus: Oh, we'll have lots of fun! It will be much easier than school. You'll be successful with hardly any work at all!

Vivi: But what about s-school? Isn't that f-fun?

Blank: Are you kidding? It's so dull! You just sit around all day reading or working or listening to some old lady or guy blather on about something nobody cares about!

Vivi: Ew! I want to g-go with you! 

Zidane: No, Vivi-kun! You have to go to school and learn things! You have to learn history and math and spelling and lots of important things!

Vivi: I can learn all that?! Wow!

Blank: It's useless! You should come with us!

Zidane: They're lying, you know...school is sooo much better!

Vivi: L-let's go to school, Zidane!

Marcus: ...There's free candy where we'll take you!

*Zidane and Vivi shrug*

Blank: ...And lots of beautiful, and very very easy girls. 

*Zidane's eyes open wide*

Zidane: Wait, Vivi! I just remembered, school was closed today. It's a snow day!

Vivi: But it's the middle of May.

Zidane: *shrugs* Freak accident. Let's go with these two. Where are we going, anyway?

Marcus (dramatically): The Theatre! This boy is destined to be an actor!

Blank: Glamour! Fame! Fortune! Women! It'll all be yours!

Zidane: Yeah! Yeah! Let's go, let's go!

Vivi: *nods and smiles*

Laura: _So Vivi and his incompetant conscience followed Blank and Marcus to the theatre, where they planned to sell the living puppet to their leader, the puppeteer Baku_.


	3. Show Business Mage

****

Chapter Three...

Laura: _Later that night, in the Tantalus Theatre House, Vivi is having his debut. Up in the rafters, Zidane watches quietly as the curtains go up..._

Baku: Tonight I have something very, very special for all of you! A genuine Black Mage doll that can talk and walk all on it own! It can even sing! Introducing...Vivi Orunitier!

*The curtains have risen and Vivi appears at the top of a staircase. He begins to walk down, but falls flat on his face and tumbles down the staircase.*

Vivi: Oooowwwwiiieeeeeee......

Zidane: Aww, damn, and it's only his first night on stage....

*The audience finds the fall charming and begins to laugh*

Vivi: *gets up, adjusts his hat and blushes* 

Vivi: Ehehehe...sorry, folks...So, uhm, h-how are you all tonight? Anyone out there from the Black Mage Village?

*the audience stares in confusion*

Vivi: No? Well, I guess that's not really surprising...*suddenly he turns as Baku gets his attention off-stage*

Baku (whispering loudly): Sing, Dance, do SOMETHING! 

Vivi: But I can't---*turns back to the audience* Oh, sorry! Eheh...Mr. Baku says I should dance...*blushes* You don't want to see me dance, do you?

Audience: *claps and shouts*

Vivi: O-oh, okay...*sighs heavily and slumps his shoulders* I'm not very good at this though...

*he begins to clumsily try the Cleyran step dance that Freya taught him*

Zidane (still in the rafters): That's so pathetic, it's not even funny...

Laura: _Still, the audience laughed and clapped at Vivi's feeble attempt at graceful dancing. He continued for about a minute until he tired, and then sat down on the stage, panting_.

Random Audience Member: Show us some magic, Mage!

Vivi: M-magic? Sure!...w-what should I do?

Stupid Audience Member: Doomsday! Cast Doomsday!

Vivi: A-are you sure about that? 

Stupid Audience Members: Doomsday, doomsday, doomsday!

Vivi: Oh, okay...you asked for it...*raises his staff for the spell...*

Zidane: Oh, #@$&! He's gonna do it! NO VIVI, NOOOOOO!

Laura: _But Zidane was too small and far away for Vivi to hear_.

****

*BOOOOOOOOOOOOM!*

*there is a huge explosion in the Theatre District, and the Tantalus Theatre House has been completely destroyed by the rampant black magic*

Vivi (the sole person left conscious): Ooops. 

*****

Laura: _Meanwhile, back at the puppet shop, Kuja is getting very upset at his son's absence._

Kuja: *running around in circles* Where is he?! Where is he?! My poor son, all alone in that big, mean, ugly city...I should have destroyed it while I had the chance! What will he do? I hope he's all right out there, with all those mutants and hippopotamus people...

Laura: Kuja, you're rambling. Shut up.

Kuja: But Vivi-chan! He's out there by himself!

Laura: I think he's shown quite capable of taking care of himself. 

Kuja: But he's a puppet, he doesn't know anything yet!

Laura:...he just blew up Tantalus Theatre and everyone inside.

Kuja (amazed):....really?

Laura: Really. 

Kuja: You're not just yanking my tail?

Laura: Nope, no yanking. Despite how much I'd like to. *grin* 

Kuja (eyes shining): My Vivi-chan destroyed stuff! *breathes deeply*...What a good boy! I'd better go out to fnd him, so I can congratulate him! *pulls on a lavendar leather jacket and runs out the door*

*****

Laura: _Back at the toppled Theatre House..._

Baku: YOU MORON! Look at what you did! *points to where the audience used to be, now a smoking pile of rubble* What did you think you were doing!?

Vivi (crying): T-they asked for the s-spell...they asked f-for it!

Zidane (has survived the attack by a hair): *hops down the the floor* Vivi, you should have known better! Now look what you've done! You killed the whole audience!

Vivi (sobbing): Y-y-you got me into this, Z-zidane! You s-said I should come here! 

Zidane: And you listened to me! That was your first mistake. 

Baku: I don't care whose fault it is! *picks up Vivi and shoves him in a wooden cage* You're staying in there, where you can't do any more harm! And you, Zidane...you've always been trouble! You're going out! 

Zidane: But I'm...

Baku: SHOO! *gets a can of OFF and chases Zidane out the door*

Baku: *walking back inside* Well, at least I made a lot of money...We'll head out tonight for Alexandria. And for you, little puppet...

Vivi: Let me out! Let me out! *crying* I hate cages! Let me out! 

Baku: *takes out a prepared Silence spell and casts it over the cage* 

Baku: Just to make sure you don't cause any trouble! Let's go! *he lifts the cage, with Vivi trembling inside, out into a wagon in the back. Once inside the wagon, he hangs the cage by a hook on the ceiling and leaves*

Laura: _Vivi was alone and cold, hanging high from the ceiling in a hard wooden cage. Because of the Silence spell, he couldn't cry, he couldn't scream for help, and he most definitely couldn't use his magic to break free. And he was afraid of heights! But fortunately Zidane, his incompetant but dedicated conscience, was on the way to help his friend. _

Zidane: Don't worry Vivi-kun! I'll get you out of there! *he hops into the wagon just as it begins to leave and manages to sneak his way in*

Vivi: *sees him and flails around madly, trying to cry out*

Zidane: Vivi-kun! What did he DO to you?!

Vivi: *gesticulates wildly trying to express a Silence Spell*

Zidane: He...silenced you?

Vivi: *nods emphatically*

Zidane: *smiles* Well I just happen to have an echo screen right here! *splashes the potion over Vivi's face*

Vivi: *gasp gasp* T-thank you! 

Zidane: Now...what's that idiot Baku up to?

Vivi: He's taking me to Alexandria. He's k-kidnapping me!

Zidane: Kidnapping you!? That's awful! I've got to get you out! I'll get this lock undone in no time, little buddy, don't you worry!

*Zidane begins to pick the lock, but discovers that it's just a little too hard*

Zidane: Uh...it's one of those...trick locks...sorry, Vivi-kun.

Vivi: You mean...I-I'm stuck here? *puppy eyes*

Zidane: *turning away* AHHH! Don't look at me like that! It's not my fault, I swear!

Vivi: *sigh* I wish I had a better conscience....

Zidane: I shouldn't have let you listen to Blank and Marcus. Hmmph! There weren't even any girls, like he promised! Last time I listen to that rag-doll...I bet your father's worried about you right now...and it's all my fault! *sobs into his hat*

*Vivi and Zidane begin to bawl inside the cage, becoming very loud and pathetic*

Laura: _Suddenly, a blue light appears outside the window of the wagon, and the Blue Fairy once again steps inside_

Zidane: *wiping his nose* Hey l-look...it's Freya in the skanky dress again!

Vivi: She'll help me! *whispers* But what do I tell her?

Zidane (whispers): Don't tell her the truth! Or else she'll never go out with me!

Vivi: O-okay...Hullo, Freya-san!

Freya (still kinda cranky about being the Fairy): Hey, Viv. Okay, so what's the problem now?

Vivi: Well, you see...*thinks* Zidane and I were g-going off to school but on the way we...uhm...we were stopped by a b-big ugly Behemoth!...

*in that moment, a bright light glows around Vivi, and he discovers that his hat has grown, but he continues anyway*

Vivi:...and then it captured me and p-put me in a bag! *the hat grows more*

Freya: *quite amused* And what happened to Zidane?

Vivi (listening to Zidane's whispered cues): It d-dipped him in chocolate and sent him to Africa! (whatever that is...) *the hat grows huge and gets a bow on the end*

Freya: That's quite a predicament. How'd you end up here?

Vivi: The Behemoth s-sold me to an evil man to use as his slave! *bells appear tied to the bow*

Vivi:....what's going on, F-Freya-san?

Freya: You've been lying!

Vivi: No I havn't!

*the hat turns bright pink and glows*

Freya: Obviously, you have been. You see, Vivi... "A lie keeps growing and growing, until it's as plain as the hat on your head!"

Vivi: oh...okay...I'll never lie again!

Zidane (hopping up to the top of the hat to face Freya): Pleeeease, Freya? He'll be good, I'll make sure of it! *makes a puppy eyes and kissy faces at her*

Freya: I'll help you again, just this once. For God's sake, Zidane, stop looking at me like that! *takes out the Holy Lance with the paper star and taps Vivi's cage with it, opening the lock and returning his hat to normal*

Vivi: Thank you, Freya-san. 

Freya: *sighs* It's no problem, Vivi-chan. Just be good. *gives him a little kiss and floats away*

Zidane: Hey, you're free, Vivi! Let's get out of here before something else happens!

*The two hop out of the wagon and into the night...*


	4. Vivi and Eiko on Pleasure Island. ^_~

****

Chapter Four

Laura: _In a dive bar in Lindblum, Blank and Marcus are drinking and laughing about how they swindled the innocent Vivi into being purchased by Baku. A man at the far end of the table, in the shadows, listens with interest. He leans forward, but his face is obscured by thick, shockingly red dreadlocks. _

Amarant: How would you two like to make some REAL money...*he shows a huge bag of Gil*

Marcus: *stares at the bag in wonder...the two petty con-men have never seen so much money in their lives* 

Blank: I'd LOVE to! Who do we have to knock off?

Amarant: That's not what I'm going for today. You see, I'm collecting Stupid Little Kids.

Marcus: Stupid Little Kids?

Amarant: Yeah...like the ones who don't go to school and don't listen to their parents. I'm going to take the brats to Pleasure Island!

*both con-men jump at the name*

Blank: But we can't...

Marcus: What if they....

Amarant: Oh, don't worry...they never come back to tell...AS CHILDREN! MWAHAHA!

*Blank and Marcus shy away from the mad-man*

Amarant: Get over here! You're going to help me whether you like it or not!

*****

Vivi (walking home with Zidane): I'm gonna do it right this time! I'm gonna go to school and if I'm good, I can be a real boy!

Zidane: That's the spirit! I'll race you home!

*The two start running off, when Vivi is caught by the collar by Blank*

Blank: Why hellloo, Vivi! How's the actor doing?

Vivi: I'm not an a-actor anymore! I'm going to school now.

Marcus: What, wasn't acting fun?

Vivi: Baku was awful! He locked me up and Silenced me!

Blank: *gasp* You must be a nervous wreck! And there's only one cure for that. A vacation on Pleasure Island, a land of fun and games and never-ending happiness!

Vivi: But I'm....

*The two men have grabbed Vivi by the arms and are dragging him away*

Vivi: HEEEELLLLLPPPPP!

Zidane: Oh crap! Here we go again...

*****

Laura:_Vivi is taken to a coach which is on the way to Pleasure Island. On the bench next to him is a tough looking but pretty little girl with shoulder length violet hair and intense green eyes. She's wearing ratty clothes and a hat, but oddly enough has tiny white wings pinned to her jacket and a bright yellow ribbon tied into her hair. She looks over to Vivi and smiles. _

Eiko: Hey what's your name?

Vivi: I'm V-Vivi Orunitier.

Eiko: I'm Eiko Carol, okay? Ever been to Pleasure Island?

Vivi: No, but---

Eiko: They say it's cool. No school, no police, nobody trying to destroy your civilization...sounds awesome! And we can do eveything we want.

Vivi: Did you---

Eiko: Plenty to eat and drink, and it's all free. This'll be the life, don't you think?

Vivi: I think that---

Eiko: Yep, this'll be great!

Laura: _They continued in the coach all through the night, and took a boat onto the Island itself. When they finally arrive, Vivi finds himself in a happy but sinister looking carnival, touting free food and drink, and lots of rides and attractions. The girl Eiko, who had adopted him as her new friend, was leading him over to a place known as "The Rough House"._

Eiko: C'mon, Vivi! Let's go tear the place up!

Vivi: Why!?

Eiko: Because we can! No rules, remember? Jeez, you're weird.

Vivi: O-okay...

*They enter the tent, under which is a building that kids are tearing to peices*

Eiko: *summons Madeen and the creature pounds a huge hole into the ceiling*

Eiko: WHEEEE! This is great! I finally can have some FUN with all my powers! Vivi, why don't you try! You look like a mage...

Vivi: I don't want---

Eiko: C'mon! Cast Flare or something...you've got to have a little fun...aren't you sick of being so good all the time? Just do it, It'll make you feel better...

Vivi: But if I'm not good I won't get to become a real boy! Look at me, I'm just a puppet! I have to become real and discover my true meaning in this cruel world! 

Eiko:...

Eiko: Why do you want to be real? I think you're cute just the way you are. *she pecks him on the cheek and beams at him*

Vivi: *stares and blushes profusely, which is somehow visible through the shadow*

Eiko: So go on! I want to see you cast Flare!

Vivi (a bit high from the feeling of being liked): A-alright...*raises staff and casts the powerful spell, which nearly demolishes the building*

Vivi: Wow...that d-did feel good...*smiles at the delighted Eiko*

Eiko: Hehehe! Let's go! 

*And the two rush off together, laughing and chatting*

Laura: _Later that night, after most of the children had fallen asleep from sheer exhaustion, Zidane finally made his way onto Pleasure Island. He looks around, trying to find Vivi. _

Zidane: VIIIVIIII-KUUUN! WHERE ARRREEE YOOOOUUU?! 

*getting no response, he walks into the only building that has its lights on. Upon entering, he sees Vivi and a little girl playing pool. The little girl is smoking but Vivi looks rather sick from all the indulgences of the day and has not tried it.*

Zidane: *becomes very irritated* VIVI! I've been looking all over for you, ALL OVER! And what have you been doing? Looking for me? NO! You're doing what? PLAYING POOL! What possesed you to do this, Vivi?! 

Vivi: *points in Eiko's general direction*

Zidane: Oh wait...A girl...You're doing it to impress a girl?!

Vivi: *nods* Yeah...p-pretty much.

Zidane: WOW! You're right on your way to being a real boy!

Eiko (walking over, hands on her hips): Vivi, are you talking to a grasshopper?

Zidane: I'm a CRICKET, not a grasshopper!

Vivi: He's my c-concscience. He tells me what to do and what not to do, but h-he's usually wrong. No, he's a-always wrong.

Eiko: You listen to a cricket?

Vivi: Yes, but I don't know why. 

Zidane: HEY! I'm doing the best that I can! Don't you appreciate that?

Vivi: Well, let's see...so far you convinced me to nearly get kidnapped by Baku the money-crazed theatre manager, and then I actually DID get kidnapped, and I get brought here, which I KNOW is the wrong place to be!

Zidane: Ooooh, sounds like somebody doesn't think they need a conscience any more.

Vivi: I DON'T! Especially not one as bad as you!

Zidane: Fine then. I'm leaving! See how good you do on your own! *he hops off the table and walks away angrily*

Eiko: Oh, you don't need him anyway!

*****

Laura: _Zidane, dejected and feeling abandoned by his best friend, walked to the gates of the park. Seeing the gates closed, he was a bit confused but he simply crawled underneath. However, the sight that greeted him on the other side brought him to a halt._

Zidane: There's... chocobos everywhere!

Laura: _Being loaded onto a boat in crates were hundreds of chocobos, all screaming and clawing. The man with red hair who had lead the children to the island was sorting through the group of chocobos nearest the gate, who were oddly enough dressed in clothes_. 

Amarant (leaning down to face the chocobo): And what's your name?

Chocobo: KWEH! KWEH!

Amarant: Okay, this one's fine...*he rips the clothes off the poor bird and throws him into a crate. Then he moves onto the next one*

Amarant: And your name?

Chocobo: *sob* I'm Billy..I want to go hoooome!

Amarant: Damn! This one's still talking. *he throws that chocobo into a enclosure full of other still clothed, talking chocobos* 

Amarant: And shut up, you stupid kids!

Zidane (horrified): KIDS!? Those chocobos...they've got to be the other naughty children! I can't believe this guy...turning kids into birds! I've got to warn Vivi!

*****

Laura: _Back at the pool room, it's already too late!_

Eiko: That stupid grasshopper...you should never have listened to him in the first place! "You'll never become real"...heh, what's that supposed to mean? I mean, look at me! I'm fine!

*she turns around to face him, but suddenly has sprouted yellow feathers and a beak.*

Vivi: Eiko! Hahaha! You l-look so funny! Hahaha-kweh! Kweh!

Eiko: You laughed like a chocobo!

Vivi: You look like a c-chocobo!

Eiko: I-I do?! *puts her hands to her face, and discovers the beak* AIIIIIII! *she runs around the room, becoming more and more like a chocobo as she does. Within a minute she is completely changed*

Vivi: Oh no! What's going on?!

Laura: _At that moment, Zidane burst into the room._

Zidane: VIVI-KUN! All the children--They're all---They've been changed to chocobos! Oh no! Not you too, Vivi-kun! 

Vivi: *frantically examines himself to discover a large yellow tail*

Vivi: We've g-got to get out of here!


	5. The Heartwarming (or maybe not...) concl...

****

Chapter Five

Author's note: I refer to Quina as "she". It's not because I feel particularly opinionated on this, but merely because it's easier, and I always got a "female" vibe from her/him.

Laura: _After running for what seemed like forever, and swimming back to shore, Vivi and Zidane finally reached land. They ran straight home to the puppet shop, but to their horror they discover that Kuja, and even his pets, have disappeared completely! But miraculously, a shining blue bird drops a note in front of them_. 

Zidane: It says that your father went out looking for you after your blew up Tantalus, but..OH NO!

Vivi: What?! What h-happened to Kuja?

Zidane: This is terrible! The Monstrous Whale Quina has eaten him!

Vivi: COOL! I mean, uh...that's terrible!

Zidane: I've heard of Quina...it's said that she's swallowed whole airships, and lives in the depths of the marshes.

Vivi: I've g-got to find *chokes on the word* "Father!"

Zidane: It's impossible. Quina is a horrible monster. We would never come out alive!

Vivi (forces himself to read the script): I've got to, whether you come or not! 

Zidane: *Sigh* Okay, I'm with you....

*****

Laura: _The two entered the marshes carefully, searching for the beast that had eaten Kuja_. 

Vivi: Ugh! This p-place is disgusting. I'm getting mud all over my shoes...

Zidane: I think we're lost. Maybe we should ask directions? 

Vivi: *narrowing eyes* From who? The f-frogs?

Zidane: Hey, it was just a thought...

*****

Laura: _Meanwhile, in the depths of the marsh, the enormous white Qu sleeps happily. But inside the belly of the Qu..._

Kuja: *sitting on a log that Quina swallowed* This is sooo not fair! I can't believe this stupid ugly monster ate ME! Terra's Angel of Death! I'm starving in here...all I've got to eat is half digested frogs...Oh, woe is me...

*Suddenly, the Qu awoke, making Kuja tumble off of his perch into the slime of the stomach.*

Kuja: GROOOOSSSSSSS! It's getting my new skirt all dirty! *his stomach growls* And I'm soooo hungry! *looks to see how his pets are doing*

Biggs (the moogle): *sniffs Wedge* *eats him* *chokes to death*

Kuja: Well I suppose giving them those names...*stomach growls and he looks at the moogle again* ...FOOD!

Laura: _Outside the Qu..._

Zidane: AHHHH! It's gaining on us!!! RUN!

Vivi: *trips*

Zidane: NOOOO! Vivi, get up! Quina's gonna eat you!

*Quina catches the little mage and holds him up to her face*

Quina: Aiya! Quina eat Vivi finally! Me so hungry, me wait long time for this! 

*without ceremony, she stuffs the poor kid down her gullet and sits happily.* 

Zidane: You...monster! 

Quina: Aiya? Crickets make good yummy-yummies with chocolate! Quina no have chocolate...but no care...eat cricket anyway. *she plops the cricket into her mouth, and falls back asleep*

Laura: _Inside..._

Vivi: EWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW! *is standing knee deep in goop*

Zidane: Okay, I wanted to rescue Kuja, but not like this, Laura!

Laura: But this is how the story goes!

Zidane: You couldn't have us, like, cut her open or something, could you? Nooo, Laura has to do everything the hard way!

Vivi: *casts fire, and lights the top of his staff* Well at least we can see...

*A voice is heard in the distance, whining*

Zidane: Can you hear that? It sounds like your father...

Vivi: Yeah, I'd never m-mistake that girly voice. *addressing the darkness* HEY! KUJA?! ARE YOU IN THERE?! ANSWER ME!

Darkness: ...VIVI-CHAN?!

Vivi: *growls* CALL ME VIVI ORUNITIER!

Darkness: WHERE ARE YOUUU?!

Vivi: NEAR THE MOUTH!

Darkness: STAY THERE! I'M COMING FOR YOU!

*Zidane and Vivi wait impatiently for the man to arrive. When he finally does, he runs up from behind to scoop up the Black Mage and hug him tightly*

Vivi: *glack*

Kuja: Oooohh, My baby! I missed you so much! But...Why do you have a chocobo tail?

Vivi (between gasps for breath): N-nevermind..K-Kuja….

Zidane: Okay, okay, nice reunion. Can we get out of here? It smells like frogs and...is that paprika I smell? No, it's gotta be something else...

Kuja: Shush, and let's think of a plan.

Vivi: I think I know a way.

Kuja: Oh course, Vivi-chan. What do you think we should do?

Vivi: BOOOM! *pantomimes an explosion*

Kuja: I already tried that...I Flare-Stared this monster, and she still didn't die. She's got an iron-stomach, I'll tell you that much. 

Vivi: Well, maybe if we work together...

Zidane (patronizing Vivi): Aww, that's so cute. You're going to blow up the huge Qu together. As a _family_. 

Vivi: He's related to YOU, Zidane. Not me.

Kuja: I guess it's worth a try. What spell is powerful enough?

Vivi: Doomsday? 

Kuja: That's it! That's the perfect spell!

Zidane: NOOO! Not again!

Laura: _But it was too late. The two mages had already begun casting the most powerful Black Magic known...._

BOOOOOOOM!

*****

Laura: _In the resulting explosion, the three were hurled for a mile before landing in the ocean, near a beach. Kuja, who had barely survived the explosion, washed onto shore and was groaning, trying to summon the energy for a "Curaga" spell. Meanwhile, Zidane, who had equipped a Demon's Vest and so only took half the force of the spell, was pretty much all right, and had landed near Kuja. But Vivi was nowhere to be seen! _

Kuja (sitting up, his hand over his eyes): OooOoohh...that was not good...I had no idea Vivi-chan was that strong...

Zidane: But where is he? I can't see him? Do you think he landed somewhere else, far away?

Kuja (managing to stand): He's got to be around here somewhere. *gasps* OH VIVI! NO!

*Both the mage and the cricket look over to see Vivi laying face down in a tidal pool, unmoving*

Kuja: NOOO! Our magic! It was too strong for him! I've killed my only son!

Zidane: *hops over to the lifeless body* Noo...*sniffsniffsob* Nooo, Vivi, noo....

*****

Laura: _Kuja carried his son all the way back home, accompanied by Zidane. Unable to revive the puppet, they had no choice but to accept him as dead. But the Blue Fairy saw all of this and pitied the poor man and the puppet, who had proven worthy of life after all. _

Freya's voice: He was brave, kind, and he even landed himself a girlfriend before she turned into a bird...I guess this kid did pretty well. Okay, Vivi. Awaken.

*A blue light spreads over the cloth body and he becomes a real child*

Vivi (opening his eyes again): Uhhn...where am I? Why are you crying, Kuja?

Kuja: Because you're dead, my Vivi-chan!

Vivi (half asleep): No I'm not! Look at me, Daddy, look! 

Kuja: *looks up, eyes all puffy and red* You...you are alive...and Vivi-chan! You're real! You're a real human boy! And you called me daddy! 

Vivi (incredulous): I called you daddy? *puts his hands over his mouth until the other words sink in* I'm..REAL? *jumps up to examine himself* I am real! Look, I'm real! I'm real! *pulls off his hat and swings it around joyfully, letting his face finally be seen* 

Kuja: *picks up his son and swings him around the room* Life is Wonderful, Vivi-chan! Life is Wonderful! 

Zidane: I think this is my cue to exit...I'm starting to feel a little sick...*he walks out the window to stare at the stars, when one star in particular catches his eye* Hey, that's Terr---I mean, the wishing star. I wonder where Freya has gotten to...

*A blue flash appears next to him, and becomes Freya (still wearing the costume)*

Freya: Hey there. Well, Vivi and Kuja got their reward, so I guess it's your turn now. 

Zidane: Oh, I don't deserve one. 

Freya: Don't be silly. I think anyone who hops around in that get-up deserves something. 

Zidane: What's wrong with my costume? I think it's pretty sharp.

Freya: N...nevermind. So what do you want?

Zidane: How about a date, sweetie?

Freya: How about this? *she smacks him with the Lance, returning him to his normal self, and gives him a tiny kiss on the cheek*

Zidane: Good enough for me! ..So what's going to happen to Vivi and Kuja?

Freya: Oh, I dunno...whatever Laura feels like.

Laura: *sigh* _They live happily ever after, for the rest of their unnatural lives._

The End


End file.
